Informative
by Katsala
Summary: In which the female members of Fairy Tail discuss sex. A lot.
1. Chapter 1

THIS IS FANFICTION. THINK ABOUT THAT.

When Juvia walked into the guild, she was immediately waved over to the bar, where Cana, Mira, Evergreen, Levy, and Juvia's love-rival were sitting, giggling loudly, the latter two flushed.

Mira set down a cocktail for her. "We're talking about our first times." She said coyly.

Juvia blinked. "First times doing... what?"

Cana rolled her eyes. "Having sex, silly. Its your turn."

Juvia sat down next to Levy and took a sip. of her drink. "Ah. Juvia sees. That would be Gajeel-kun, then."

The effect of the words was instantaneous. The glass Mirajane had been cleaning dropped to the floor. Cana's drink splattered across the bar, spit out in shock. Evergreen was frozen, looking somewhere between amusement and revulsion. Love-rival was coughing, having swallowed wrong, and Levy had fallen off her barstool. All five of them regarded Juvia in what could really only be described as horror.

"_What_?" Love-rival finally managed to say, her voice cracking.

Juvia gave them a confused look. "Gajeel-kun." She repeated. "Back when Juvia was still in Phantom Lord."

Mira's eyes glinted dangerously. "Where?"

Juvia took another sip of the cocktail. "Oh, Juvia and Gajeel-kun did it in lots of places. Gajeel-kun's bed, Juvia's bed, Totomaru-san's house, the tables at the guild hall." She tilted her head thoughtfully. "There were also several bathhouses we visited on missions."

Cana burst out laughing... as did Natsu, who was sitting on the other side of the guild next to Gray, Elfman, and Bixlow. Dragon-slayer level hearing had its advantages. Levy, on the other hand, was still on the floor, now motionless.

Juvia knocked down the rest of her drink. "It was purely physical, of course. Now, Juvia only has eyes for Gray-sama," she finished, eyes shining. She looked at the other girls, who were still staring at her. "What?"

Mira, fully recovered, just shook her head, trying not to laugh. "Nothing, Juvia. Don't worry about it." She handed Juvia another cocktail.

Juvia smiled happily. "Who's turn is it now, then?"

I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT SHIP THEM IN THE DEEPEST, DARKEST PITS OF MY HEART.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Levy stepped foot into the guild hall, a gloved hand grabbed her and dragged her into a broom closet, slamming the door behind them. She looked up in confusion at Evergreen, who was unusually scruffy. Her glasses were askew and her hair messy, and instead of her dress she was wearing a plain green top and jeans. Levy tried to ask what was wrong, but Evergreen threw her hand over her mouth.

"I did it." She whispered, sounding panicked. "I said I wouldn't do it, and I did it."

Levy wiggled out of the other girls grip. "Did what?" She whispered back.

"Had sex with Elfman."

Levy stared at Evergreen. Evergreen stared at Levy.

"And I can't talk to the other girls about it because he's Mirajane's brother and Cana is drunk and Juvia is weird and Lucy's never had sex and the Raijinshu would be disgusting," she spilled out all at once. "And it was really, really good and I can't stop thinking about it and I don't know what to do!"

Levy was still staring at Evergreen. "You did WHAT with Elfman?" She finally yelped.

Evergreen threw her hand back over the tiny girl's mouth. "Be quiet!" She hissed.

Levy swallowed hard and nodded. Evergreen let go and sat down on a crate. "What am I supposed to say to him? What do you say to someone you actually care about after you've done it together?"

"Don't panic," Levy advised. "Don't even mention it for now. Just act natural and let it work itself out. Nobody is waiting for your reaction."

Evergreen nodded, looking a bit calmer. "I need a drink." She stood slowly, combed out her messy hair with her fingers, and opened the door.

Then screamed and slammed it in Elfman's face. Levy sighed. This was going to take a while.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where do babies come from?"

Lucy stared down at the little Dragon-slayer looking up at her, her wide eyes innocent and curious.

Natsu, beside her, snorted. "From eggs, duh!"

"Oh." Wendy thought for a moment. "Where do eggs come from?"

Natsu froze. He tilted his head to one side, then the other. Finally, he turned to Lucy. "Hey, Luce, where do eggs come from?"

Lucy opened her mouth, closed it, and banged her head down on the table. "They come from Exceeds, Natsu."

"Oh. They come from Exceeds, Wendy."

"Oh." There was another pause. "Where do they get the eggs from?"

Natsu poked Lucy's arm. "Hey, Luce, where do the Exceeds get-"

"From an egg machine, Natsu." She interrupted, head still on the table.

"Oh. They come from an egg machine, Wendy."

Across the bar, Gajeel sighed, got up, and pulled Wendy away from them. "Don't worry, kid, I know where babies come from."

Lucy sighed in relief and flashed him a thumbs up as Happy asked her, "But how do the eggs get here?"

KNOW IT ISNT THE BEST, JUST TRYING TO GET GOING AGAIN.


End file.
